The Elderly

Lets face it, we are all going to get old. As much as you think that you're hip and cool, the young'uns of the next generation are going to think that you're old and crochety. The truth is, we can't affect how old we get, but we can affect the kind of old person we become. It's like the bank. Store all of your cool in now and you're going to get it all back plus interest in like. . . 80 years.

Here's how it works. . . you do as many awesome things as you can right now. Parasail, BASE jump, pretty much any extreme sport will do. Because when you tell that stuff to your grandkids, they're going to think your the coolest. Don't tell them any of that "I shook hands with the president" or "Mona Lisa is my aunt" thing. That is old and crotchety to the max. I dont know about you, but I'm going to tell my grandkids that I put an ostrich in a sleeper hold. OOh, and when I'm old, I wan't to have a cane, and use an insane accent. Who hasn't wanted to yell "you young-uns skeeeeedadle!" at the top of their lungs, while hitting people with the cane. Just picture that. . . it's ok to laugh.

In my opinion, being old is going to be a release from all the pressures in life. For example. What person over 60 wakes up and has to think about what they're going to wear. Is anyone going to judge them? No. The thought process goes like this, "I need clothes" and then "these shorts look nice, I think I'll pull them up to my bellybutton, so that my shirt never comes un-tucked!" And while we're on clothing benefits, have you ever seen the huge glasses some of those people wear? Really, if you looked into the sun with a pair of those on. . . i'm pretty sure it would melt you face off. I'm think I saw some survival show where a lady started a fire like that. Which is why the elderly dont take mid-day walks through feilds of grass while the sun is directly overhead. . . instant disaster.

So whether you see an old person at the mall or at your house. Driving a Lincoln or something Italian. Cane or no cane. Just remember, the elderly used to be cool, it's just. . . been a while. And if you know an old person who actually IS cool, make sure you tell them how much you appreciate them, they are a rare gem to our society. Now, you have at least a 50% greater chance of being awesome in your 90's after reading this. Your welcome.

Oh, and keep good hygeine. . . do NOT be old and smelly. End of topic.