I hath Returnethed

So I bet all 5 of you who come on regularly are wondering what the heck I've been doing for the past. . . while. Well here we go, I'll tell. But you all owe me 7.50.

I was far in the Andes Mountains. . . training with the never before seen Zen Monk Army (ZMA). At a height of 2560 ft, karate kicks and high altitude baking can be a challenge, but I love a challenge. Any day now, the ZMA will come knocking on your door. You will know that it's us because of our low pitch humming, our horse hair robes, and the pleasant smell of freshly baked breads in the air. You shall open the door, and before you can even think "Wow, the gurl-scouts have officially taken it too far", you will have dozens of pastries stuck in your mouth, eyes, and creatively decorated as a center piece on your dinner table. By the time we are gone (7.89 seconds) you don't know if you have been attacked or pleasantly surprised.

So that explains my absence. By the way, my new name in South America is Gwon-Degidegideg. The local children say it means "He who constantly breaks wind." I am almost positive that they were talking about my rather inexpensive colognac which I applied constantly. You don't want to go smellin' bad. . . in the blazing blaze of the northern Andes.

Ithl. . . your obsessed.

Shout Out

So for like the past two weeks, I've had umm. . . zero comments to check and moderate. So I was quite a happy person when suddenly I had 6 of them just waiting there. I'm not sure if this is computer error or just a spontaneous amount of traffic. Quite honestly I don't know what to think about this.

I already gave a shout out to my friend Mr. Turkeycorn. Don't tell him, but I was thinking about maybe getting a discount on my vegetables. . . it's unfortunate he doesnt sell potatoes. Maybe some day a Scandinavian potatoe farmer will comment. OH I cant wait.

This brings me to YOU Ithl. I dont know what you want, or what your name stands for. But the last time I waltzed into the International Tooth House in Louisiana, I had to watch some lame movie about gingivitis. Lemme tell ya Ithula, brush 3 times a day, and make sure to sing the ABC's at least twice. If not, the consequences. . . .can be disgusting.

Oh and Aunt Angie. . . I have never been so simultaneoulsy honored and embarrased to have you comment, all the way from the blazing blaze* of northern Virginia. Tell the cousins. . . to keep it real.

All y'alls keep it clean
connor

*Line stolen from Jonah Heemstra, whose utterances are an enlightenment to humanity. May they never go hungry "in the blazing blaze of southern Montana. . . "

Finally. . .

So today I realized something, if I go onto Mozilla instead of Avant. . . I can do THIS. I am so syched. It's like magical magic in my computer. My Avant was definetly holding out on me. I can do ANYTHING! Heres a hint to you, I might be posting a lot more often now. Because now I can make PICTURES!


I like the blue me, he is a charming me, and now he owes me 7.50.

Whoa!!!

http://www.thequeenheartstacos.blogspot.com

I can make a link!!!!

Go here, and pull the finger.

For Mr. Grimes

Jonah

Lack of Humor. . or "Your SO funny!" (with sarcastic undertones)

In the beginning of the school year, to get to know some of our fellow inmates, we played some weird game where you had to come up with two truths and a lie. Where your convicted buddies try to guess which one is a lie. Easy. So as soon as I hear the teacher say we're playing that game, I start furiously racking my brain for anything that might make my incarcerated fellows think "that kid is funny" or "I think I'll give him 7.50." I've come to recognise something. Other people are thinking the same thing. They are just the equivalent of a comedic trainwreck, which I dont think would be that funny.

First of all, In this two truths and a lie game. Theres always the kid who tries to throw you off by a miniscule measurement. So that the right answer is impossible to find, but you still feel like an idiot when you get it wrong.

"I was born in Chuckanut, Montana. I weigh 138.8lbs. Or I was charged by a bull moose while breaking the Guiness World Record for most times slapping ones self in the face."

After that, the kid thinks he owned you, because it was actually an Alaskan Grey Elk that charged him while he was actually doing as many consecutive bellyflops into his hottub as he could. 3. Not even a county record. Let alone a worldly one. So this kid thinks he absolutely hilarious and everyone else wants to either groan or kick themselves.

So all that to explain my pet peeve of people who think they're funny.

Even better is the kid who starts rattling off these inside jokes that he and his only friend made when they were playing HALO at 4 in the morning. "No really man, I was at like, a jillion kills and it was SO funny you shoulda been there!"

Yea. I totally missed out.

I really hope I didn't offend anybody with this, but I think I'm safe, seems nobody ever admits that they are humorically hopeless.

Attempting to wrap up this post
connor

Today's Useless Thing that Someone Said

"If toast always lands the butter side down, and a cat always lands on it's feet. What happens if you strap toast on a cat and drop it?" -Steven Wright

Here we go, this guy was thinking. I'll bet he did dozens of tests and made severals of hypothesises(whoa) to come to the conclusion that a toast-strapped cat. . . will hover off the ground. It's like a magnetic field man, someday we are all gonna be riding our toast cats to work. "Eco-friendly, and dogs get a kick out of it!"