Thanksgiving is a time of giving thanks. Not very tricky. So I have a few things of thanks to give thanks to. Let me start. . . with the primary food groups. I am thankful for corn, it's yellowness brings a new and joyous color to my plate. I am thankful for cardboard. It is what they feed the turkey when it is growing up. I am thankful for potatoes, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, twice baked potatoes, cheezy potatoes, sweet potatoes, baked sweet potatoes, mashed sweet potatoes, twice baked sweet potatoes, twice mashed with marshmallows and cinnimon sugar on top sweet potatoes, and potato salad. I am also thankful for circles. Without them, we would not have pie. What would we ever do. . . if our pie was in the shape of a rhombus?
I am UN-thankful for cranberries, mashed, and then turned into a petroleum product. I am un-thankful for the word thankful, I don't remember if it has one L or two. I am un-thankful for an under-abundance of salt shakers with an over-abundance of salt lovers. I am un-thankful for hyphens, or dashes. They are a pain. I am VERY un-thankful for pilgrims. They are un-truthful, and very un-thankful. They didn't give thanks to the natives of America. They gave them smallpox. Finally, I am un-thankful for modern art, the only sport which elephants seem to be better at than humans.
Amen
Nov 28, 2008
Nov 23, 2008
not actually a bunch of gibberish. . or a virus
Kerancang adalah cara membordir khas dari Bukittinggi. Bordiran dibuat menggunakan mesin yang sangat sederhana (mesin jahit hitam. Kerancang ini sangat tinggi nilai seninya. Karna 1 helai mukena dikerjakan selama 1 - 2 bulan. Hasil kerancang sangat halus namun kuat. Itulah sebabnya mukena kerancang harganya agak tinggi karna hasil kerancangnya sangat bagus.
If you actually read that, and took note of the title, that means your reading this right now. I'm happy for you. I got the above scripture from some blog about. . . well it was all sounding like what you were reading, so i dont know what it was about. There were some pots and some flowers though. I pity the person who thought it was wise to try and read that out loud. Its a doozy. So I'm going to try and translate. Enjoy.
First, its obvious that a woman whose name is Karen Cang has written it. She is from the memorable town of Bukittinggi, where she purchased an adalah. Karen takes this time to tell us that a salami biker-jacket costs 1-2 bulan, a form of currency. Her friend Bordi ran all the way from Menggunkan to Sederhana to get it. Unfortunately, he tripped over 3 sangats. Then a Masin hit him. But Karen threw a sangat at it and it turned into an Itulah. The rest i can get is something about mucus and Karen putting a sangat in a bag. Dont ask me what she's going to do with it. But ive been told that sangats can be sold for a pretty penny (6-7 bulan), that'll bring home the bacon.
I hope you all had a pleasant sunday, full of sebabnya and free of harganya. And may you never come across a dikerjakan.
If you actually read that, and took note of the title, that means your reading this right now. I'm happy for you. I got the above scripture from some blog about. . . well it was all sounding like what you were reading, so i dont know what it was about. There were some pots and some flowers though. I pity the person who thought it was wise to try and read that out loud. Its a doozy. So I'm going to try and translate. Enjoy.
First, its obvious that a woman whose name is Karen Cang has written it. She is from the memorable town of Bukittinggi, where she purchased an adalah. Karen takes this time to tell us that a salami biker-jacket costs 1-2 bulan, a form of currency. Her friend Bordi ran all the way from Menggunkan to Sederhana to get it. Unfortunately, he tripped over 3 sangats. Then a Masin hit him. But Karen threw a sangat at it and it turned into an Itulah. The rest i can get is something about mucus and Karen putting a sangat in a bag. Dont ask me what she's going to do with it. But ive been told that sangats can be sold for a pretty penny (6-7 bulan), that'll bring home the bacon.
I hope you all had a pleasant sunday, full of sebabnya and free of harganya. And may you never come across a dikerjakan.
Nov 19, 2008
The Fun We Can Have From Natural Disasters (not as heartless as it sounds)
Three words
Pop
Can
Drive
For hurricane Katrina, and let me point this out. We were not helping the hurricane, like buying it winds and rains and floods. Not that. If I wanted to do that I would'nt be collecting pop cans.
So here we are, going house to house collecting all sorts of cans. Oh yeah, i've got stories.
1. The Guy Who Asked What We Were Selling
Umm this one explains itself, we told him we were selling empty trash bags. He laughed, and he was really old. (See previous post) So yea, I got an old guy to laugh. He gave us about 4 Mountain Dew cans.
2. The Average Joe Who Turned Out to be Cool
I may have made a type-o, nothing about this guy was ordinary, first of all, he had a house with those cool knockers that you see on a haunted house or a castle or something. But cutting to the chase here, he gave us each a Coke. So really the title should be, "The Dude with the Cool House Who Gave us Cokes" or "The Man Whose Horrible Quantity of Cans Was Made Up for by His Free, Non-Alchoholic Beverages."
3. The Woman With the Big Dog
Uuuum yea. Do I even have to say anything?
4. The Lady Who Only Let Us Take One Bag
When an elderly woman in a one peice pajama suit comes to the door, you know things are going to be interesting. It went like this. I started saying how we were from a chuch youth group, and that we were collecting pop cans. Pajama woman in and yells "WHAT ARE YOU COLLECTIN' FOR!" Not wanting to upset this woman, I quickly told her that we were helping Katrina. (We had already made 6 or 7 "Katrina is my wife" jokes by now.)The lady ponders. Really, it takes me less time to figure out what I'm wearing in the morning. Then she speaks. She tells us in her already hard to take seriously because she's wearing a one-sie voice, that we may take ONLY ONE bag. Emphasis on only one. So we go into her garage and she stares us down while we only take one bag. . . like we were really going to take both, it would have been about. . . 60 cents. Nevertheless, we got out of there fast.
5. Back to The Woman With the Big Dog
That dog was huge! It was the kind you see in movies where the guy gets his legs ripped off! It even had one of those spiky collars! I was seriously scared. And I usually like dogs.
5 1/2. The Lady Who Thought it was Halloween
I'm not saying anything here either, sometimes it's just sad. (See a few posts back)
6. Best For Last
So when me and Jonah were about at dog lady's house, the other guys who were collecting with us were across the street. We noticed because a man was out in the driveway with them. No ordinary man here either, I'm pretty sure he had just chugged most of the beer bottles that he had given to the guys. These were the only words I heard him say, try to imagine an incredible southern, farmerish, drunkard accent. "That there is big boy pop cans kids!" To make it all worth it, Meijer didnt accept the kind of bottles he gave them.
That's that, we did a good service and got a great time and two cokes out of it, this one is for you Louisiana.
Pop
Can
Drive
For hurricane Katrina, and let me point this out. We were not helping the hurricane, like buying it winds and rains and floods. Not that. If I wanted to do that I would'nt be collecting pop cans.
So here we are, going house to house collecting all sorts of cans. Oh yeah, i've got stories.
1. The Guy Who Asked What We Were Selling
Umm this one explains itself, we told him we were selling empty trash bags. He laughed, and he was really old. (See previous post) So yea, I got an old guy to laugh. He gave us about 4 Mountain Dew cans.
2. The Average Joe Who Turned Out to be Cool
I may have made a type-o, nothing about this guy was ordinary, first of all, he had a house with those cool knockers that you see on a haunted house or a castle or something. But cutting to the chase here, he gave us each a Coke. So really the title should be, "The Dude with the Cool House Who Gave us Cokes" or "The Man Whose Horrible Quantity of Cans Was Made Up for by His Free, Non-Alchoholic Beverages."
3. The Woman With the Big Dog
Uuuum yea. Do I even have to say anything?
4. The Lady Who Only Let Us Take One Bag
When an elderly woman in a one peice pajama suit comes to the door, you know things are going to be interesting. It went like this. I started saying how we were from a chuch youth group, and that we were collecting pop cans. Pajama woman in and yells "WHAT ARE YOU COLLECTIN' FOR!" Not wanting to upset this woman, I quickly told her that we were helping Katrina. (We had already made 6 or 7 "Katrina is my wife" jokes by now.)The lady ponders. Really, it takes me less time to figure out what I'm wearing in the morning. Then she speaks. She tells us in her already hard to take seriously because she's wearing a one-sie voice, that we may take ONLY ONE bag. Emphasis on only one. So we go into her garage and she stares us down while we only take one bag. . . like we were really going to take both, it would have been about. . . 60 cents. Nevertheless, we got out of there fast.
5. Back to The Woman With the Big Dog
That dog was huge! It was the kind you see in movies where the guy gets his legs ripped off! It even had one of those spiky collars! I was seriously scared. And I usually like dogs.
5 1/2. The Lady Who Thought it was Halloween
I'm not saying anything here either, sometimes it's just sad. (See a few posts back)
6. Best For Last
So when me and Jonah were about at dog lady's house, the other guys who were collecting with us were across the street. We noticed because a man was out in the driveway with them. No ordinary man here either, I'm pretty sure he had just chugged most of the beer bottles that he had given to the guys. These were the only words I heard him say, try to imagine an incredible southern, farmerish, drunkard accent. "That there is big boy pop cans kids!" To make it all worth it, Meijer didnt accept the kind of bottles he gave them.
That's that, we did a good service and got a great time and two cokes out of it, this one is for you Louisiana.
Nov 15, 2008
The Elderly
Lets face it, we are all going to get old. As much as you think that you're hip and cool, the young'uns of the next generation are going to think that you're old and crochety. The truth is, we can't affect how old we get, but we can affect the kind of old person we become. It's like the bank. Store all of your cool in now and you're going to get it all back plus interest in like. . . 80 years.
Here's how it works. . . you do as many awesome things as you can right now. Parasail, BASE jump, pretty much any extreme sport will do. Because when you tell that stuff to your grandkids, they're going to think your the coolest. Don't tell them any of that "I shook hands with the president" or "Mona Lisa is my aunt" thing. That is old and crotchety to the max. I dont know about you, but I'm going to tell my grandkids that I put an ostrich in a sleeper hold. OOh, and when I'm old, I wan't to have a cane, and use an insane accent. Who hasn't wanted to yell "you young-uns skeeeeedadle!" at the top of their lungs, while hitting people with the cane. Just picture that. . . it's ok to laugh.
In my opinion, being old is going to be a release from all the pressures in life. For example. What person over 60 wakes up and has to think about what they're going to wear. Is anyone going to judge them? No. The thought process goes like this, "I need clothes" and then "these shorts look nice, I think I'll pull them up to my bellybutton, so that my shirt never comes un-tucked!" And while we're on clothing benefits, have you ever seen the huge glasses some of those people wear? Really, if you looked into the sun with a pair of those on. . . i'm pretty sure it would melt you face off. I'm think I saw some survival show where a lady started a fire like that. Which is why the elderly dont take mid-day walks through feilds of grass while the sun is directly overhead. . . instant disaster.
So whether you see an old person at the mall or at your house. Driving a Lincoln or something Italian. Cane or no cane. Just remember, the elderly used to be cool, it's just. . . been a while. And if you know an old person who actually IS cool, make sure you tell them how much you appreciate them, they are a rare gem to our society. Now, you have at least a 50% greater chance of being awesome in your 90's after reading this. Your welcome.
Oh, and keep good hygeine. . . do NOT be old and smelly. End of topic.
Here's how it works. . . you do as many awesome things as you can right now. Parasail, BASE jump, pretty much any extreme sport will do. Because when you tell that stuff to your grandkids, they're going to think your the coolest. Don't tell them any of that "I shook hands with the president" or "Mona Lisa is my aunt" thing. That is old and crotchety to the max. I dont know about you, but I'm going to tell my grandkids that I put an ostrich in a sleeper hold. OOh, and when I'm old, I wan't to have a cane, and use an insane accent. Who hasn't wanted to yell "you young-uns skeeeeedadle!" at the top of their lungs, while hitting people with the cane. Just picture that. . . it's ok to laugh.
In my opinion, being old is going to be a release from all the pressures in life. For example. What person over 60 wakes up and has to think about what they're going to wear. Is anyone going to judge them? No. The thought process goes like this, "I need clothes" and then "these shorts look nice, I think I'll pull them up to my bellybutton, so that my shirt never comes un-tucked!" And while we're on clothing benefits, have you ever seen the huge glasses some of those people wear? Really, if you looked into the sun with a pair of those on. . . i'm pretty sure it would melt you face off. I'm think I saw some survival show where a lady started a fire like that. Which is why the elderly dont take mid-day walks through feilds of grass while the sun is directly overhead. . . instant disaster.
So whether you see an old person at the mall or at your house. Driving a Lincoln or something Italian. Cane or no cane. Just remember, the elderly used to be cool, it's just. . . been a while. And if you know an old person who actually IS cool, make sure you tell them how much you appreciate them, they are a rare gem to our society. Now, you have at least a 50% greater chance of being awesome in your 90's after reading this. Your welcome.
Oh, and keep good hygeine. . . do NOT be old and smelly. End of topic.
Nov 9, 2008
Unlucky
Some people don't beleive in luck. . . some do. Say I go win the lottery. There are people who will tell me that I got lucky. Other people will look at probablilitys (spell check?) and tell me that I had a one gajillionth of a chance to win and I did. So basically they were both saying I got really lucky. . . Ok thats what I call a bad example. I'm not even old enough to buy lottery tickets.
Try two. So say that I am driving along. . . and suddenly I have to swerve to dodge a conga line of black cats. Then I go home, and mistakingly flush my lucky rabit foot down the toilet. Then I go to mow the lawn. Little to my knowings, I've just run over the only patch of four leaf clover for 50 miles. Then I go walk under a ladder, break a mirror, and spot a flock of albotross. Coincidence? (spell check?) Yea. . . its a coincidence. . . because then I go ahead and win the lottery. There. Deal with it.
This is usually where I would either wrap up or wind down this post. . . depending on where I wanted to go with the point I was rolling with. Well get this. . . I have no idea where I was going with my point, I didnt even have a point. I was just gonna improvise as i went along. I probably shouldnt even post this, but who knows? Maybe some psychos will read this and get so confused that they become geniuses and win Nobel Prizes. Lucky them.
One last message to the people. . . If you had one of the days that I explained in the paragraph located two above this one. Your toast. No joke, you might as well scream "I don't beleive in fairies!" and then go play Russian Roulette. I am terribly sorry.
So now your confused because of everything, jealous because I'm a millionare, and mad because I've just pretty much told you that you have an increasingly short time to live. I see that I've accomplished a lot in the half hour it took me to write this. Lucky me.
That was for you Jim.
Try two. So say that I am driving along. . . and suddenly I have to swerve to dodge a conga line of black cats. Then I go home, and mistakingly flush my lucky rabit foot down the toilet. Then I go to mow the lawn. Little to my knowings, I've just run over the only patch of four leaf clover for 50 miles. Then I go walk under a ladder, break a mirror, and spot a flock of albotross. Coincidence? (spell check?) Yea. . . its a coincidence. . . because then I go ahead and win the lottery. There. Deal with it.
This is usually where I would either wrap up or wind down this post. . . depending on where I wanted to go with the point I was rolling with. Well get this. . . I have no idea where I was going with my point, I didnt even have a point. I was just gonna improvise as i went along. I probably shouldnt even post this, but who knows? Maybe some psychos will read this and get so confused that they become geniuses and win Nobel Prizes. Lucky them.
One last message to the people. . . If you had one of the days that I explained in the paragraph located two above this one. Your toast. No joke, you might as well scream "I don't beleive in fairies!" and then go play Russian Roulette. I am terribly sorry.
So now your confused because of everything, jealous because I'm a millionare, and mad because I've just pretty much told you that you have an increasingly short time to live. I see that I've accomplished a lot in the half hour it took me to write this. Lucky me.
That was for you Jim.
Nov 2, 2008
Nun- Chuckers
Times have changed gentlemen, halloween is no longer what it used to be. . . The good ol' days when you would come back home with enough candy to support the Allied Nations are most definetly over. There are severals of good reasons why this is so. Let me explain. . . in bullet form :)
1. Females
I dont care what your doing on Halloween, it has been affected by females. . . unless of course your a female yourself, in which case you should take a skip over this first one. But really, we decided to go trick-o-treatin with a bunch of ladies this year. Good idea right? False. Very false. Fun? Yes. Candy? None whatsover. Dont get me wrong. . . running around with a pack of gurlz is fun, but at the end of the night. . . who is the one who has all of the candy? You guessed it, the little kids who went out at 4:30, stayed out untill 9, and ran their little buns off going door to door to door. We just stood and walked and then stood some more.
2. Costumes
Once you reach the teenage years, there are 2 different kinds of people. The ones that dress up in such elaborate costumes that you actually think Hulk is at your door. And the ones where the person who is wearing the costume doesnt even know what he/she is. But heres the fact. The guys who dress up like ninja's and actually have swords and nun-chuckers and all that (those are the elaborate ones) dont have any hand room for a bucket. See? What ninja caries a bucket!?! So this ninja man just goes door to door, showing off his costume, and wondering what the world to do with his candy. Which he then decides to chuck at some nun's. The other people dont even care about a bucket(us). They just eat the candy as they go along. (us)
3. There is no 3, i could actually probably go untill 23 but my mom is leaving in like 5 minutes plus i'm tired and hungry, so i'm just gonna end it right here. So just remember. If you want candy, stay away from women, and just. . . . dress up AS a bag-bucket (theres a thought).
1. Females
I dont care what your doing on Halloween, it has been affected by females. . . unless of course your a female yourself, in which case you should take a skip over this first one. But really, we decided to go trick-o-treatin with a bunch of ladies this year. Good idea right? False. Very false. Fun? Yes. Candy? None whatsover. Dont get me wrong. . . running around with a pack of gurlz is fun, but at the end of the night. . . who is the one who has all of the candy? You guessed it, the little kids who went out at 4:30, stayed out untill 9, and ran their little buns off going door to door to door. We just stood and walked and then stood some more.
2. Costumes
Once you reach the teenage years, there are 2 different kinds of people. The ones that dress up in such elaborate costumes that you actually think Hulk is at your door. And the ones where the person who is wearing the costume doesnt even know what he/she is. But heres the fact. The guys who dress up like ninja's and actually have swords and nun-chuckers and all that (those are the elaborate ones) dont have any hand room for a bucket. See? What ninja caries a bucket!?! So this ninja man just goes door to door, showing off his costume, and wondering what the world to do with his candy. Which he then decides to chuck at some nun's. The other people dont even care about a bucket(us). They just eat the candy as they go along. (us)
3. There is no 3, i could actually probably go untill 23 but my mom is leaving in like 5 minutes plus i'm tired and hungry, so i'm just gonna end it right here. So just remember. If you want candy, stay away from women, and just. . . . dress up AS a bag-bucket (theres a thought).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)