Hiccups

I am offended, truly reprimanded, discriminated against, prejudicialized, taken aback, and thoroughly stepped upon. No offense. I have not posted any postage since like forever dang long ago and not one person made any peep-age about my absence! Not one comment!

No offense. . .

You call yourselves fans*. You are nothing but lame internet suckerfish. Even you Ithl . . . I thought that I could trust you. You are to me a pestilence, all of you. Seriously no offense. You kill my cattle and give my children the plague. I cannot express my annoyance with your arrogance. You are worse than most of my teachers at school**. The backwash of Doctor Pepper that I drank this afternoon was more satisfying than your lame attempts to participate in my blog majesty.

No offense. . .

Ok I'm done. If you are on the floor crying right now, you can return to your sanity. All of that stuff I said before about the suckerfish and the pestilence was a joke. You know me, a joker. HA.
You guys are cool, helping me with your strong, mouse-clicking index fingers to choose what I should preach about. Hiccups, you have chosen. Hiccups.

Ever notice how people kind of jump when they hiccup?
They make this tiny noise.
Yet inside it is like the eruption of Vesuvius in the sinuses, abdomen, and lungs.

There are so many different ways to hiccup.
All of them suck.

Hiccups. . . are like sneezes.

Hiccups are nothing like sneezes.
Ever try typing sneezes on a keyboard?
The word just looks weird.
Wow.

When Chuck Norris hiccups. . . .
Old men in Louisiana get heart-burn.

Let it be.
The QHT

And really. . .no offense.



*That's pushing it. . . i know
** You should be feeling singed right now, because THAT was a burn.